My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.