My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

I was a high school throw-out.

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.