I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.