I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.

My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

I was a high school throw-out.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.