When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.

I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.