One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.

I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.

The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.