Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.

I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.