I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

I was a high school throw-out.

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.

As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.