There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!