Sometimes we have to put our foot down, ... but before we deliberately make children unhappy in order to get them to get into the car, or to do their homework or whatever, we need to weigh whether what we're doing to make it happen is worth the possible strain on our relationship with them.
Alfie KohnHow we feel about our kids isn't as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.
Alfie KohnAssessments should compare the performance of students to a set of expectations, never to the performance of other students.
Alfie KohnSome who support [more] coercive strategies assume that children will run wild if they are not controlled. However, the children for whom this is true typically turn out to be those accustomed to being controlledโ those who are not trusted, given explanations, encouraged to think for themselves, helped to develop and internalize good values, and so on. Control breeds the need for more control, which is used to justify the use of control.
Alfie Kohn