My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

You can't make souffle rise twice.

If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me.

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

[Remark about Calvin Coolidge she says was erroneously attributed to her:] I do wish he did not look as if he had been weaned on a pickle.