Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington.

[Remark about Calvin Coolidge she says was erroneously attributed to her:] I do wish he did not look as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

People in Washington seem as hypnotized by precedence as though they were hens with their beaks on a chalk line.

If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me.

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.