Success is like winning the sweepstakes or getting killed in an automobile crash. It always happens to somebody else.

Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting."

A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray."

You may be wondering why I went from over there to over here. Well, that was choreography.

The head coach don't want no sissies, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

A committee is a group of individuals who all put in a perfectly good color, and it comes out gray.

In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed.