Allan Sherman Quotes

You may be wondering why I went from over there to over here. Well, that was choreography.

I had moved out of the Edison Hotel because I couldn't pay the bill and was living at the Lincoln Hotel, where I couldn't pay the bill either, but it was cheaper.

The difference between reality and unreality is that reality has so little to recommend it.

Temples also take into consideration an ability to pay and, in a general sense, do not turn people away if there's a need,.

Grandma cheated whenever she could. She cheated because it was a much more scientific and surer way of winning than trusting to luck.

In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed.

Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting."

Teacher, teacher, I declare, I see your purple underwear.

A committee is a group of individuals who all put in a perfectly good color, and it comes out gray.

In Hollywood if you are not working, you are a leper. True, you are probably living in the most expensive leper colony in the world.

A "Normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray."

You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can't love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can't hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.

There's Beatles books and T-shirts and rings, and one thing and another. To buy my daughter all these things, I had to sell her brother.

Do not make a stingy sandwich; pile the cold cuts high; so you should see salami coming through the rye.

The head coach don't want no sissies, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Success is like winning the sweepstakes or getting killed in an automobile crash. It always happens to somebody else.

Love is lovelier the 7th time around.

Adultery - which is the only grounds for divorce in New York - is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.