I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

Wouldn’t that be an incredibly stupid thing to do? To say ‘I never want to smoke again’, then spend the rest of your life saying ‘I’d love a cigarette.’ That’s what smokers who use the Willpower Method do. No wonder they feel so miserable. They spend the rest of their lives desperately moping for something that they desperately hope they will never have.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.