I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.