I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.