VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.