In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.