Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient

BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.