Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.