Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.