There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.
Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.