POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.