PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. A desiccated epigram.

Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic

EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"

Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.