Habit: A shackle for the free.

PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.

WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.