VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

Example is better than following it.

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.