Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.

STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.