MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.