Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

He laughs best who laughs least.

HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.