ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.

PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.