UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.

ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.