TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.