Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.

DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.