Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference

Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment . . . . judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.