Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.

Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.