Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

To seek a justification for a decision already made.

Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.