What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.