A violin is the revenge exacted by the intestines of a dead cat.

Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it has to try twice before it can cast a shadow.

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.