Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.

An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him.

SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.