FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.