What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

The wife, or bitter half.