Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.