GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient