Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.

RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.