Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.