EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.

PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.