Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.