Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.