I love depressing movies and depressing books.

I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.

Exercise your imagination muscle! How many uses can you come up with for a flowerpot? Write down your answers. But don't write them in this book. Grab a separate sheet of paper. I didn't spend two and a half weeks writing a book just so you could mark up the pages with your silly ideas for things you can do with a flowerpot. When it comes down to it, what's wrong with a flowerpot not being a flowerpot? Why is nothing ever good enough for you?

A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

My characters always like themselves.