I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.

A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.

I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

I have no desire to carry a movie.

People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.