Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.

I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.