I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought his reporting seemed familiar.

Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.

I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.

I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!

Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.