I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.

Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.

I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.